The following is an exhaustive system for classifying chess bloggers. Which one(s) are you? Disclaimer: those with thin skin might want to stop here...I tried to insult pretty much everyone. If you suspect one of them was written specifically with you in mind, you are probably right.
1. Phlogiston. A blogger without ego.
2. The scholar. Sucks at chess, but that never made him stop pontificating about the game.
3. The entrepeneur. Someone whose advertising content takes up a larger surface area of his blog than the chess content.
4. The newbie. Usually very excited, and will attack with vigor subjects that have been beaten to death before he got here. E.g., will excitedly let everyone know about this great web site 'Chess Tactics Server' and this guy 'Dan Heisman' who has this great idea of playing 'real chess.' Every six months one will come along and tell us why the Circles are stupid because they ignore strategy, which after all, gives you the types of positions that will lead to tactical opportunities (enough so that we have a FAQ question
devoted to this newbie).
5. The workaday. Consistently publishes good content, updates consistently, doesn't whine, and generally offers sympathetic and unsanctimonious help to others. Hmmm....too bad phlogiston is already taken.
6. DK-Transform. Deserves his own category. An interesting mixture of vulnerability, passion, and workaholism. At first you will be tempted to say 'TMI'
to everything he says, but he will probably grow on you.
7. The disgruntled grad student. What better way to procastinate writing that thesis than to write about a frivolous game that you shouldn't be playing because you need to write?
8. The cool one. The person who spends hours writing about chess on a blog, but thinks he is not a geek.
9. The outsider. Writes about other blogs, historical treatises on openings, provides annotated games, but never really lets us in. Penny for your thoughts? What are you scared of, Mr Outsider? Let us inside. Let us love you.
10. Resident GM. In the chess blogosphere subculture, the player who is top dog on the board that everyone defers to in ultimate arguments about chess.
11. The gossip. Writes not about chess, but what chess players are doing.
12. The absent father. The old-time blogger that has gone inactive, who everyone respects, and every now and then comes and leaves a cryptic comment on your blog, or even his own blog. Everyone rejoices, "Daddy is home, yeah, maybe he'll pay attention to me again!" But then you hear those words, "I'm just going out for some cigarettes. I'll be right back."
13. The tease. It was a chess blog, but what the hell happened to it? Now all we're reading about is fishing and job hunting.
14. The self-hater. Cannot write a post without reminding us how much he sucks at chess.
15. The egomaniac. Puts (TM)
after every phrase, as if every utterance coming out of her mouth were an original brilliant insight that must be copyrighted.
16. The pedant. He will always be very patient in educating you in a condescending manner. If you question him, he will either not reply, or give another condescending answer that ends with, "Hope that helps." Often overlaps with the scholar personality (see # 2).
17. The bore. His finger notes at ICC include a fifteen page autobiographical essay, so you have to spend five minutes scrolling up in the command window just to see his ratings. Typically the notes will include a long list of people he likes and dislikes, as if anyone cares, a long list of physical ailments, and five pages about his opinion on takebacks. (OK, this has nothing to do with blogging: I call artistic license).
18. The Creationist. His confidence in his opinions about chess is three orders of magnitude greater than his actual knowledge of the game. Likes to write reviews of chess books he hasn't read.
19. The cusser. An entry is not done until it contains the word "fuck."
20. Whiney McGee. Would rather complain than improve. Any attempts at help are rebuffed in great detail, a protective mechanism built to maintain the integrity of the whiney personality core.
21. Passive aggressive. Hides his rage behind stupid humor like long lists that make fun of other bloggers. Also likes to use the passive voice to criticize what "some people" say, when it is clear that he is referring to one particular person, but he doesn't have the balls to be forthright.
22. Rat. Talks himself in circles blogging about the same topic for fifteen posts.
23. Circle Jerk. Someone into MDLM to an annoying and overbearing degree.
24. Actuary. Feels compelled to share uninterestingly detailed accounts of his chess progress, usually with annotated graphs.
25. Acountant. Breaks down the statistics from his blog's hit counter every other post, analyzing readership trends and pointing out moments of maximum activity ('And here is when I made that funny post about the Macaque opening').
26. Neglected baby. His blog contains regular tantrums to the effect that, "Whaaahh, nobody is commenting on my blog!"
27. Has-been. Likes to talk about how great he used
to be at chess, back in the 70s. Much like those 50 year old guys with no life that can't stop talking about that great play they made in high school football.
28. Beggar. Someone strolling the streets of the blogosphere begging for sidebar links. "Spare a link, sir, got any spare links?" Often a newbie that doesn't realize people link to sites they read and like.
29. Comment fluffer (attention whore). Fills your comments with irrelevant and sometimes lengthy clutter that serves only to distract readers from the main thread. Sometimes acts like a neglected baby when you don't reciprocate at his blog (the latter trait suggests he was leaving comments just to get you to read his own blog).
30. Stalker. Throw him a bone by leaving a comment at his blog, and he thinks you are the best of friends. He will start to email you daily, try to get your phone number or meet in person, message you constantly at ICC, learn all he can about you through Google, and refer to you as a "close friend." All because you left this high-maintenance twit a comment on his blog. Give this batshit crazy stalker a wide radius.
31. Hypersensitive nutball. Rumor has it that if he steps in front of the sun, you can literally see his vital organs because his skin is so thin. God forbid you disagree with anything he says, as it will cause him to have a temper-tantrum like a three year old girl who wants a pony. Logic isn't his strong point, but he excels at ruining discussions by turning them personal and awkward. This person always has comment moderation enabled, and will often devote entire posts to responding to something that hurt his feelings.
32. Blog luddite. He is stuck in paper-and-ink ways of thinking. He refuses to put game graphics on his chess blog, preferring long lists of variations as you might find in an opening book from the 1970s. He thinks anyone who doesn't take the time to work through the variations is just lazy. When he was a boy, before eating breakfast he had to work through 30 lines without help of diagrams, board, commentary, or computers. By Joe, if he didn't need technology, you don't need it either ya' lazy bum.
33. College kid. Only leaves comments at your blog when he has just put up a new post, as he wants visitors at his own blog. Much like a college kid who only calls home when he needs money.