Monday, September 10, 2007

Dan Heisman on Howard Stern's show today

If you have Sirius, be sure to catch the Stern show today. Howard has his coach, Dan Heisman on the show. It is hilarious. Dan comes on near the end of the show.

They talk about openings, blindfold, ratings, general chess nerdiness stuff. Some random guy named Adam Weisberg is there with Dan, who got to go to Howard's studio because he won a tournament and that was a prize. They sit in throught the rest of the show once they come in, so keep listening. There are some really funny bits.

Howard, in one year, has gone from 900 to 1500 at ICC under Dan's tutelage (coach haters take note)! Howard says he has three names at ICC (he never announces them for obvious reasons).

Howard: Dan's a good teacher, a really great teacher. Takes an imbecile like me and gets me to 1500.

Howard: what's your thing, the French defense?
Adam: no, the Sicilian.
Howard: I play the Scotch and French. If I whip out my Scotch again you'll never recover.

Howard (to Dan): have you ever called your new wife your old wife's name?
Dan: yes, their names are very similar.
Howard: I've had nightmares about that.

Artie: what's the longest you've ever been logged into ICC?
Howard: 5-6 hours.
Artie: you are addicted!

Robin: do you get to play any girls?
Howard: I think this girl at ICC is flirting with me, I think I could get her. It's probably some dude talking to me.
Artie: If you look at Playboy Playmate's list of favorite things, chess is rarely on the list.
Howard: What's wrong with me? I'm dating a supermodel who's in the bedroom and I'm sitting at the computer playing chess.

Howard (hesitating before reading a letter from a listener): Dan, do you ever swear?
Dan: no.
Howard: Will you be offended by swears?
Dan: no
Howard: (Reading from the letter): Robin is such a C---.

Howard: I wish I was 2200. Man then my life would be complete.
Adam: I don't know, I just play a lot.
Howard: bring in a picture of Beth (his wife) so I can taunt this guy. Do you ever get laid?
Adam: sometimes. Not now.
Howard: Does chess ever get you laid?
Adam: all the time, laughing.
Howard: doesn't it suck? You are so good at this and it doesn't get you laid.
Adam: well, the opposite has happened. I went to a tournament and my girlfriend got mad, and even though I won, she just bitched at me.
Howard: here's a picture of my girlfriend. I may not be 2200, but I'm a 2800 in life. Dan has a nice looking wife.
Robin: the people who should be getting laid are scientists and the like who actually contribute to society.

Howard: I watch games and make comments and nobody responds. They must know I just suck. Dan will sometimes say 'What made you make a move like that?'
Dan: I like to give constructive criticisms.
Howard: Dan uses the Socratic method, asking questions. You know what it's like not having any answers? Sometimes I hear him doing other stuff while we're doing lessons while he's waiting for answers.

Howard also played some prank calls to a chess public access show. That awful show ChessNOw that DG has mentioned. Howard's fans and staff are vicious with the prank calls.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would someone please tape it and put it on YouTube? Thanks--

9/10/2007 02:32:00 PM  
Blogger Blue Devil Knight said...

I'd love to get the audio.

9/10/2007 03:52:00 PM  
Blogger Tom Panelas said...

That's pretty amazing about Howard's 600-point rating increase. Think it's true? I've heard Dan is a great coach, but it's hard for people Stern's age (he has to be in his late 50s at least) to improve that much that fast.

9/10/2007 04:45:00 PM  
Blogger Blue Devil Knight said...

He's 53. I believe it. For one, he plays a lot. For another, he isn't the type that would make it up. If he's anything, he's honest. Plus, he is one smart mo-fo.

Makes me feel lame. I'm not at 1500 yet after almost 3 years playing!

9/10/2007 04:58:00 PM  
Blogger transformation said...

Most enjoyable!

Thank you!

Deserves the sacrosanct capitalization!

I only use it for introductory love letters, legal and financial, and cover letters, and tripple bravo posts, such as this.


9/10/2007 05:56:00 PM  
Blogger likesforests said...

Just when you think you know Stern. I used to listen to him on the FM dial and I would never have expected him to hire Heisman as a coach and invite him on his show. Is this some sorta April Fool's joke? If Stern said it, it's probably true. He may brag, but he's at least accomplished what he brags about.

9/10/2007 11:02:00 PM  
Blogger Polly said...

Thanks for posting the dialogue. That is really funny. I'd love to hear the audio.

I like Heisman's books. Very clearly written.

9/10/2007 11:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heisman has been coaching Stern for some time. BD, I'm not sure if you play on ICC (I don't), but I've heard that ICC ratings are inflated compared to USCF ratings, maybe by a few hundred points.

Thanks, BD, for posting this news. I've been trying for months to get Howard Stern to find out about my book, but I haven't figured out how to reach him. I've even asked Heisman to tell him about it, but Heisman is not allowed to pass along show-related questions to Stern.

Howard Goldowsky

9/12/2007 08:52:00 AM  
Blogger Blue Devil Knight said...

Howard: Yes, the 1500 would be lower at USCF, but so would the 900. No matter how you slice it, that is an amazing year. My goal is to reach 1500 at ICC and then I'm gonna just maintain. It will probably take me a total of three years to reach that.

I think he meets with Dan fairly frequently, and plays pretty much daily. He's quite obsessed with the game.

You could always send the book to the Sirius studio. But I bet it is very hard to get something to Howard.

9/12/2007 11:31:00 AM  

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